Hey, You Look New! Read This Thing First!

This is the part where I tell you a little about me and you go, "Oh, she's very interesting and cool and I've never known anyone more awesome!" and I smile as you bask in the warm glow that is me. But wherever do I start? :D Maybe it's best if I lay out what you can expect from me and this blog, and if you're uncomfortable with that, you don't have to stay and read any more of this drivel. Promise. I won't sob in the corner or key your car or anything like that. Most likely. God, I hope you know I'm joking...

1. First things first: if you are any of the following, get out get out GET OUT I'M NOT SAYING IT AGAIN AND IF I SEE YOU HERE AGAIN I'M RELEASING THE HOUNDS C. MONTGOMERY BURNS STYLE - NO EXCEPTIONS:

• Racist 
• Homophobic 
• Sexist 
• Ableist (is this a word and am I spelling it right?)
• Ageist (see above)
• Generally prejudiced/discriminatory in any way - I'm willing to have sensible, civilized discussions with people from differing backgrounds, but if you attack me or anybody else you're GONE 
• aiNt iT aNNoYIn aS FuCc WeN PpL sTiiL tYPin N sp3LLiiN LyK DiiS? I don't even know how you do it; that took me like a full minute. This is not okay. Before you even THINK about posting a comment in this mysterious language, run it by Google's spell check. If it has no idea what word you're attempting to spell, start over. Let me clarify: I mean unwilling to type in a civilized manner. Language isn't a major issue for me (I know how to use Google Translate like everybody else). I do not mind emoticons, words like LOL or haha or WTF, and the occasional misspelling/grammar mistake happens. I'm not going to scream at you because you can't spell "probably" (which for the record I struggled with until about 8th or 9th grade. Stop laughing). Actually, even if you type in an offensive manner, I prop-proppa- MOST LIKELY won't yell at you either. *facepalms in advance*  

2. If you don't like reading...As you will find out (or already know if you scanned this post), I love to talk. I mean, LOVE to talk. I like sharing my thoughts and experiences with others, even if that 'others' is just a blog no one else is reading. I like contributing to the blogosphere. Maybe this was because I'm an only child. I'll bring it up in therapy next week. Anyway, unless I'm having a bad day or I'm super exhausted, my posts will be lengthy, especially if I've had a brainstorm or epiphany of sorts. So if you're the type that dreads perusing the lengthy tome that is MAD Magazine...this is not the blog you are looking for.  

3. If you don't like sarcasm/light insult comedy...When I feel awkward (which is all the time) or don't really know what to say, I make a joke/stupid comment/sarcastic observation/[other type of comedic phrasing here]. Actually, I make a lot of sarcastic observations. I'm not Don Rickles or anything, but sometimes I will make what can be taken as a mean-spirited comment, usually at a celebrity. Yeah, I know, I'm sure it'll bite me in the ass someday. Plus, I tend to be very sarcastic, which can also be taken the wrong way. I'm actually quite the sweetheart (at least that's what my friends said once their checks cleared). Really, though, I try to be conscious of what I say, so if I say something upsetting or offensive, PLEASE let me know! But if Chandler Bing would make you burst into tears...this is not the blog you are looking for.  

4. If you are offended by swearing...I'm not a HUGE swear user online (usually because whatever social tool I happen to be using at the time I have at least one family member added there and I do want to be respectful. But I curse quite a bit IRL and it does come out in my blogging. And I mean, I'm in my 20s (as of me typing these words). I think if my family doesn't know I have a foul mouth by now, they just don't want to know. So if you get flustered with anger at the mere thought of someone using the word 'hell' and NOT referring to Satan's home...this is not the blog you are looking for.

5. If you are offended by religious talk, this is not the blog you are looking for. If you are offended by non-religious talk, this is not the blog you are looking for. Let me explain once and only once. I am not religious, nor am I an atheist. I do not believe in organized religion. I don't feel that I need to go to a house of worship and listen to someone who supposedly has a "better" connection with God than I do talk about how I'm going to hell. Furthermore, my own experiences with religion as well as witnessing the behavior of "religious" loved ones has led me to believe that spirituality and faith is not about the fear of going to hell and sinning. It's about your own personal relationship with your higher power as you understand Him/Her/Them/It to be.

That being said, I am quite spiritual. I simply do what feels right spiritually to me. I pray to God, who is my higher power, but I also believe strongly in Tarot and astrology. I own a Qur'an and a Holy Bible, which I haven't read YET, but I plan to very soon. I also talk to my deceased loved ones. No, I don't actually hear back from them in the physical sense, but I do spiritually. Sometimes these things will spill into the blog (like if I talk to my grandmother about my journey or do a Tarot reading about a life issue). I do have friends of different religious backgrounds. I know what I believe, and I'm sure you feel the same way, so if you don't try to convert me to your way of thinking, I promise I'll return the favor. :)

6. If people diagnosed with mental illnesses disgust you, terrify you, trigger you, depress you...As stated in that fancy description up top, I'm bipolar (and some other stuff). I try not to let these illnesses run my life (anymore), but indeed, they are there. Things like medications, emotions, and motivation GREATLY affect my life, of course. So sometimes I will blog about that. I promise not to get graphic; I have online support groups and outpatient services for stuff like that (on the rare occasion I absolutely must, there will be a GIGANTIC TRIGGER WARNING LIKE THIS).
However, I know not everyone is okay with discussion of these things. So this is the warning. If you can no longer watch Star Wars because you know Carrie Fisher is bipolar...this is ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, DEFINITELY not the blog you are looking for (I mean, seriously?!).

If you've "passed", **dingdingding** CONGRATS! You've found the perfect blog! Enjoy your stay! Remember...you break it, you buy it!